My five-year old niece has now reached the point of reminding me how many sleeps there are until Christmas, and all I can think about is how the sight of Christmas decorations makes me angry BECAUSE IT’S STILL NOVEMBER, YOU ~£@££! PIECES OF @!=*$%^! I love Christmas, but I swear in September there were stores putting Christmas themed stuff out and Halloween hadn’t even been and gone. What the hell?
So far I’ve knocked out people with a fish, a brick of cocaine, a thrown apple and a variety of blunt objects. I’ve also drowned people in toilets, blown them up with fireworks, fed them poisoned chips, shoved them off cliffs, dropped sharks on them, squashed them with speakers and so much more. I’ve dressed as a waiter, a garbage man, security, a fast food vendor, a servant, a racing driver, a doctor and even a pink flamingo. It’s all just in a days work for a professional Hitman.
It’s the weekend yet again, and that can only mean that time is passing way too damn fast and that we’re all hurtling towards our undignified ends like a runaway truck that’s on fire.